The apostle looked up. Heaven opened. He saw the Holy Spirit come down to him as a dove. He heard the Father say to him: ‘my beloved son!’ He was filled by the presence and the very being of the eternal Father. The last Adam was absorbed by the spirit of God’s being. He was no ordinary man, this apostle. The Father came down in him and was ready to manifest Himself through this apostle, His son.

1.

Jesus stepped out of the river Jordan and proceeded to a barren land. His mission was beginning; he was certain of it. He already knew that he was to be the last Adam. He knew that it was his purpose to retrieve what the first Adam had lost.

He was alone. He wanted to be alone so that he could enjoy undisturbed the fellowship with the Holy Spirit. He wanted to absorb the Father’s presence.

‘Oh, dear father, Abba, dad how I’ve missed you!’

He searched deep, deeper, within his spirit. He knew what his position had been before he was born into this human body. In his spirit, he saw the throne he had left behind when he entered this earth. He saw the throne he would inhabit when he finished his mission.

‘… the mission … Abba, daddy, I want to persevere; your will is mine … I am predestined to die, yet I will go where I will be crucified. I am not afraid to fulfil your will. You are within me.’

He searched his spirit for his death, the pain, the agony. He knew he was human but he trusted the Father. All he longed for was to worship the Father, to pray, to be in His presence. He couldn’t get enough of being with the Father. He couldn’t get enough of the Father’s presence.

The Holy Spirit comforted him. He saw himself rise up in the spirit. He saw himself in the cloud walking through heaven. Yes, he was carrying in his hands his own blood for the atonement. He would persevere. He sighed and got up.

‘I will be with the Father forever when this is over. I will have His chosen ones with me forever.’

He straightened up and looked up to the sky. His prophetic eyes were very powerful. He saw a mighty angel who stood with one foot on the earth and in the ocean with the other. His body was in the clouds, and on his head there was the rainbow. The angel raised his right hand towards heaven and swore by the one who is in heaven that there wouldn’t be time left until God’s secret was completed.

‘…the eternal gospel, the message from God who became man … the message about man who would be lifted up to God by the Holy Spirit in order to unite with Him for ever … the eternal God in man for ever … the Word, the Eternal One, man for ever … oh, the Father’s plan … how I long for it … if only everything was finished by now …’

‘I am this secret’ Jesus thought. ‘I am the only man on earth who is capable of doing what is my purpose … the secret of God as a man with both feet on earth…!’

The secret, which the Lord had revealed to all of His prophets, was that of an Adam on this earth, far away from heaven and from glory. In his spirit, he searched through the prophets. He knew what was before him: Isaiah said that his people would not receive him. They would see, yet not know; they would hear, but not understand. They would not repent. Yes, he knew what Isaiah also had said: A people he did not know would follow him, and those who did not know him would receive him. He knew that he himself had promised as many children to Abraham as there are stars.

His prophetic vision was sharp. He saw countless people bow before him, worship him, die for him, lift his name up high. He loved them. He loved them as he loved the Father. He couldn’t feel anything but love. He loved them more than his own life even though he didn’t know them. He saw what Enoch had said: he saw the clouds. Then he saw countless crowds come with the clouds and one man riding up front.

‘This is me’, he thought. ‘This is me.’

For a long time, he stood motionless with his head lifted towards the sky and his eyes firmly on the spirit. He saw the time run backwards from the end. He saw the Lamb rule and his followers prevail. A mighty river of holiness cleansed the earth. His inner eyes couldn’t get enough of it.

‘Now, I am one man alone – then a mighty people’, he thought.

How he longed to have those people around him, to fight God’s battle side by side!

‘…but it cannot be. They will come later when I am no longer here …’

The Holy Spirit could hardly bear his pain. The Father’s heart was like a heavy weight on the son’s spirit.

‘You must go, son’ he told him. ‘You are alone now but soon you will meet the first ones I have prepared. They will come to you willingly. Say one word to them and they will follow you.’

‘Say one word to them…!’

The anointing shook Jesus’ entire body. It felt like a million needles on the skin. ‘…one word…’

He hadn’t done this until now.

‘…only a word and it will come to pass at once … God’s power in his mouth, in his hands… him, the son of Joseph from Nazareth, made from the dust of the earth…’

2.

He began to laugh uncontrollably from the depths of his spirit. A flood of visions came over him. He saw how the earth and men were created by the Word. He was the Word from the very beginning. All that was created was made by him. God’s power reared up in his body. He felt strong. He saw how the heavenly stars, the sons of God, came to being. He saw the Father bring forth life. He felt his own delight; he felt how he had rejoiced before the earth was created.

Heaven was spinning before his spirit like a spiral cloud. He found himself inside the spiral and saw the eternal order; he saw the time and the new heaven. He was in this nebula and saw the Word as one eternal existence. He was pulled deeper and deeper into the spiral. He let it happen and moved along. Here, in this place, time had no meaning. He was spinning with the spiral and saw, or rather lived through, all eternal events that happened before the earth was made. He relished the feeling of being within the Word, of living the Word.

Soon he reached the eye of the spiral. He was at the origin, in the beginning, before the Father put the creation forth by His word. Yes, he relished it; he rejoiced. He longed to see the Father and to be in His bosom again.

The power of the spirit pulled him deeper into the origin.

‘… What is this? …’

He arrived at the centre.

‘… but where is HE?’

His human body was covered with sweat as he was being shaken. He saw the centre of the origin. There was only a lamb. It was slain and stood in the middle, and the Father was inside the lamb.

‘Fa-a-a-ther…!’ he screamed.

By now, he could hardly bear being inside the vision. The lamb’s pain overwhelmed him. He was enwrapped by pain. After that, everything around him turned black. Where was the glory, where the Father’s arms? He grew immediately calm. In this deep blackness everything was still. He was comforted by an embrace soft as velvet. He experienced the Father, however, not as the Only Begotten Son but as Adam who had died. He was in the womb of the Eternal One as a yet to be born son of God, just like an unborn new creation. He grew completely calm and still. The shaking from the pain that had come over him passed. He floated in this never ending tranquillity. Suddenly, everything was over. He was still standing in the desert with his face lifted up to the sky.

‘How much time has passed?’

He jolted and looked around: nothing but desert as far as his eye could see. The sun was high up in the sky. He didn’t know whether this ecstasy had lasted a few minutes or several days.

He addressed the Holy Spirit: ‘What was that?’

‘That was your funeral, son’, the Spirit replied. ‘That was your time in the eternal stillness of Sabbath. You were in the Father’s womb, where you will have to end up after your death in order to be reborn again. You will be the first of the new creation.’

He remembered. The Lamb was slain before the creation. The Holy Spirit took him again into the vision before the throne. He saw the Lamb ruling seated on the throne. He had seven horns, and the seven spirits of God were in Him. The Lamb took a sealed book from the hand of the Eternal One. He saw the entire creation fall down before the Lamb. He saw the Lamb break a seal on the book. Then he heard a mighty thunder. A voice spoke: ‘come!’

‘You cannot stand here, son; not until you have died and risen from the dead’, the Holy Spirit whispered to him. ‘We must go. We must begin now.’

3.

 Jesus returned to the earthly reality. He felt like a normal human being again. He was sweaty and tired. He walked over to the rocks and lied down in the shade. Soon it would be dark and cold. He longed for human fellowship. He leaned his head on a rock and closed his eyes. He felt terrible. He thought about Daniel and how sick he was after every encounter with the Lord. He knew he was stronger than Daniel but on the other hand, Daniel had never experienced anything like this. He remained lying down with his head on a hard rock, and remembered Jacob who also slept on a rock.

’… That rock was supposed to be me …’ he thought wearily. ‘Whom shall I lean on now? Who is there for me…? I am alone here now …’

He fell in a deep sleep. When he woke up again, he felt hungry.

‘How long has it been since I have eaten?’ he wondered.

The Holy Spirit replied: ‘it has been almost forty days.’

Jesus thought of Moses on the mountain, how he went without food for forty days. Like Moses then, he also spent most of the time in ecstasy. The Holy Spirit was on him so frequently that he had hardly noticed his needs. But today was different. He was very hungry. He looked around. He was in the middle of the desert. It would take a long time until he could reach an inhabited place.

Would he make the long march to the village with this kind of hunger? He did not actually feel weak, only hungry. He remembered his weakness the night before, after he had been inside God’s origin. That weakness had passed. Maybe he had slept longer than only one night. Now it was time to return to the people. His desire to be with the Father had somehow been fulfilled in his spirit. He was longing for people. He wanted to wash himself and enjoy a good meal again. He was looking forward to singing the songs of the Lord with friends while sharing a good table wine. He wanted to be with men again, celebrate, laugh, and be grateful for the bread and the wine. Yes, he should go back now.

He set forth on his walk out of the desert. That was the moment when he first noticed the cloud. There was a cloud over him that moved along with him.

‘Ah, that’s good’, he thought gratefully; ‘just like the people of Israel in the desert back then. I am glad that I too may enjoy protection from the heat.’

 The cloud followed him. When he stopped, it stopped. When he walked on, it also moved. It grew bigger and darker as if there was a thunderstorm coming. This irritated him. The cloud in Moses’ times moved ahead of the people. It guided them. When the cloud stopped, the people did the same. As soon as it moved on, the people resumed their journey as well.

‘Oh well, never mind. Still better to walk in the shade’ he thought carelessly.

He could barely feel the Holy Spirit any more. Yet, he didn’t give it any thought. Right now, he didn’t want anything but get out of the desert and find something to eat. He marched on. The walk grew arduous. He felt as though the horizon remained in the same far distance regardless of how far he walked.

Soon, he became tired. His legs felt heavy. The joints ached. His head was heavy. He sighed and made an attempt to walk faster but he simply couldn’t. He sat down.

‘What a craggy region this is’ he though. ‘It isn’t exactly comfortable to sit on rocks… If I only had a piece of bread …’

The air was so stuffy. When he had stood in the vision, he was shown what kind of power had been given to him, wasn’t he? The Father had said: ‘say only one word.’ Why shouldn’t he try right now? He could turn a stone into a piece of bread. As the son of God, he should be able to do it. He was the son of God, wasn’t he?

Suddenly something that felt like electricity ran through his spine. He jumped to his feet.

‘Satan!’ he yelled. ‘It is you. Now I recognize you in this cloud.’

‘When I fell in ecstasy over and over again for days, surrounded by the Father’s presence,’ he thought, ‘His word was sufficient for me. I felt no hunger and no haste … I lived on the word that came out of His mouth and that was more nutritious for me than the most delicious bread.’

He shook himself alert and quickly got up.

‘It is written: man doesn’t live by the bread alone but by every word that comes out of God’s mouth’ he said aloud.

‘How true!’ he thought.  

He knew he would make it until the nearest village. He began to pray and walked on.

4.

A vision came over him. He allowed himself to be absorbed by it. It would be better to fall into an ecstasy again, he thought. He was on a mountain and looked at the earth. He saw all kingdoms of this world. In his spirit, he heard a voice:

‘I want to give you this power and its glory. They are mine and I give them whom I wish. Worship me and it will be yours!’

He beheld the kingdoms. He longed to rule over them. He had seen the Lamb on the throne rule. Everything inside him craved this authority. He had heard zillions of voices call the Lamb king of all kings. He so much wanted to be that king. The Father had promised him the kingdom of this world. He remembered the vision in which the seventh angel blew the trumpet. After that, the dominion over the earth was given to God’s anointed one. He was the anointed one. He should become the lamb that was slain, the lamb that was sacrificed before the creation of the earth. Yes, he should …

Suddenly, his eyes opened. The lamb! He should become the Lamb. The Lamb had seized the power before the creation, and He opened the seal of the book of life. He was that lamb.

‘No, not yet!’ he thought.

He was not yet The Lamb. The lamb had not yet been slain on the earth during this age. ‘I have to die first’ he thought. ‘Until I die, I am not The Lamb of human history.’

He was beginning to feel a chill. There was no voice of the Holy Spirit as he had perceived it in earlier visions. This was not the Holy Spirit. He broke out in a cold sweat. He looked around. The air was vibrant with heat. The heat was tremendous: a glow like in an oven, which was nearly impossible to bear. A hot gust of wind scorched his face.

“Worship me” the wind whispered.

Jesus nearly fainted.

“Satan” he gasped into the hot wind, “I can feel you. It is written: you shall worship the Lord your God alone and serve him.”

5.

He slumped down. The fight had taken from him all strength he had. He felt dizzy. His eyes shifted and he saw the town beneath him. He got up once again. Suddenly he felt quickened. Jerusalem was near. He was already out of the desert. He ran towards the city. He was able to run like the wind. He felt as light as the air. There was the temple, the Father’s house. How he longed for the Father. He had become as light as a feather. He flew through the air and stood on the pinnacle of the temple. That was his place, at the very top of God’s house. He looked down. He felt nauseated and dizzy. Everything in his head was spinning. He was covered in sweat. He was about to lose consciousness.

‘If you jump down, you won’t fall. He will send His angels to catch you.’

He was hardly able to keep steady on his feet. He swayed back and forth.

‘Let yourself fall. He will protect you’ he heard in his soul.

He stood on top of the pinnacle. He craved to be on top. That much he knew. But why was he unable to keep himself at the top if it was his destiny?

‘I am on the Lord’s temple’ he thought. ‘This is where I belong. He is within me and I have become His temple. If I fall, nothing will happen to me. But how can I fall if I am the temple? My body is the temple since the baptism.’

The truth struck him.

‘My God, it is me, myself…! If I fall, there will be no one to hold me. No angel, no forces of heaven and not even the Holy Spirit will catch me if I fall. Everything would be over. Humanity wouldn’t be redeemed … I mustn’t fall … I mustn’t fall…’

Still dizzy, he swayed back and forth. He pulled himself together.

‘… I am the anointed one … I have come as a servant. I have a purpose to fulfil … I cannot give up … No, I mustn’t fall … Not me! … I will remain standing … I have to finish this … I promised the Father …’

He regained his balance and his senses became clear again.

‘It is written’, he mumbled, ‘you shall not tempt the Lord your God.’

The mirage disappeared. Jesus was still wandering about in the desert.

‘Satan!’ he said. ‘That was Satan. I’m out of it now.’

6.

He took a deep breath. He had been tempted. He was supposed to be overwhelmed with greed and succumb to the seducer’s will. Jesus knew no sin and had never experienced a temptation before. Doing the right thing had always come easy to him. It seemed to be a part of him. But this just now had been very different.

‘What has just happened, Father?’ he asked.

The Holy Spirit made Himself tangible.

‘You were being tempted, son’ he said. ‘Just as Adam was tempted in order to desire godly power without me, the devil called upon your pride and your desire to rule over the earth.’

Jesus sighed and bowed his head in reverence to the Lord.

‘You are a man, the son of Adam’ the Holy Spirit continued. ‘The devil had to make this attempt with you before it is too late for him. You have prevailed. The word inside you protected you.’

Jesus remembered what Moses had said when he was explaining to the people the path to receive blessing or curse: ‘The word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it!’

‘Why didn’t the devil come sooner during all those years?’ he asked.

‘He did come’, the Holy Spirit replied. ‘He came when you were a baby and caused great harm intending to murder you. You were protected but Rachel shed many tears for her children.’

Jesus remembered what the prophet Jeremiah had said: ‘A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping.’

‘That’s right. I was born in Bethlehem’, he pondered. ‘And why did he come again now?’ he went on asking.

‘He came back because you challenged him, son’ was the reply from the Holy Spirit.

‘In what way did I challenge him?’ Jesus insisted to know.

The Holy Spirit went on speaking to him:

‘You have received the anointing. You are the Christ. You have advanced into the Father’s presence, into the origin. You know that in order to become yourself a spiritual Father you must have recognized first the one who is in the beginning. You are ready now, my son. When you get back, you must call the first chosen followers. They too are sons. You must restore the people and the house of God. You have the purpose to bring forth the new people of God in accordance with the Spirit. Everything until now has been a mere shadow, a prophetic image, of what is to come. My present covenant with the people is fugacious. You will start the eternal covenant with God. You are now the patriarch and the origin of the redeemed people. It has to be you. Therefore, I am sending you now. Go and do what you were sent to accomplish. Be strong and courageous. Yes, be strong and courageous, and I will be with you everywhere you go.’

‘Then, it was my anointing that challenged him?!’ Jesus exclaimed.

‘But yes! I am an anointed Adam, yet without sin’ he said astonished by the clarity of this revelation. ‘The devil had to try and seduce me like the first Adam, so that I too would fall in sin. Then, there would be no more redemption.’

Jesus shuddered in the fear of God. ‘Satan didn’t come to me; rather, I ventured too far into his domain. How great is the Father!’

7.

The Holy Spirit interrupted his thoughts and flooded him. The Father’s love surrounded him. Jesus knew that he had overcome. He had pushed Satan back from his territory. Thus he had caused a gap, a rift, in the second heaven. Satan would stay away from him until the appointed hour. Jesus had now a certain amount of time to demonstrate God’s Kingdom undisturbed. Yes, that was what he was to do next. Nothing would stop him.

‘For now,’ he thought, ‘until the time would come that… but that can wait… I have to focus on doing the Father’s works… heaven is open for me…’ yet he shivered a little. He knew that he would not be received everywhere but he would hold sway.

He looked up and saw God’s angels approach him. They took away his weariness. They calmed and strengthened his nerves. His body relaxed.

The word spoken by Isaiah became alive in him: ‘In the past he humbled the land of Zebulon and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honour Galilee of the Gentiles, by the way of the sea, along the Jordan. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.’

He decided to return to Galilee. He would begin in Galilee. John and Andrew came to his mind, who came with him after he had met the Baptist. Those two, and also others whom the Father had shown him, he would call to join him. Yes, he needed to teach them to obey everything the Father had told him. He became strong in the Holy Spirit. The word welled up inside of him, and he was the Fullness. He stood up and stood upright. He was the first apostle. He had been the apostle from the very beginning. Others, many others, would follow later. He began to walk. He, as an individual, had to trigger a movement that would never stop until the end of times. This would cost him his life, but he had already made His New Testament. The Father had sealed it.

The apostle returned to Galilee in the power of the spirit. He began to do the Father’s works and to teach with authority. Many joined him. From now on, he would be known to say often: ‘for truly I say to you…’