by Titika Schmidt

The bare tree

The branches of the tall walnut tree were bare already. The squirrel that had been stocking up its winter food supplies from this tree throughout the month of October hasn’t shown up for days. The air outside was cold and moist, typical for a November morning. Today, the sun was too weak to bring any warmth. My gaze wandered past the walnut tree to the city park. The late fall had caught up with the trees. They were sadly sticking their all but leafless branches towards the sky, reminding me of desperate hearts praying for mercy.

This thought made me utter a deep sigh and turn away from the window. Yes, mercy, I thought, that’s what I should pray for this morning. I kneeled down on the carpet and turned my heart toward the four members of a family I knew. My whole inner being welled up with a longing for God’s mercy for those four. I sank deeper and deeper into prayer. In the process, I didn’t even notice how I was being swept away by the Spirit and taken to a different place…

In the crack of dawn

I found myself wandering through a broad landscape, completely flat in every direction, as far as the eye could reach. There were no trees, bushes or other plants in sight. Everything was silvery and colourless like a picture in greyscale. A slight fog was rising up from the ground like haze and remained low above the ground. Grass was growing below my feet, like lawn. This too was silver grey and looked like it was frozen. Although I didn’t feel cold, I thought the grass might be thawing and causing the fog. Nevertheless, the surrounding landscape seemed to be covered with white frost. The sky was like a monotonous grey ceiling over the horizon. It was completely quiet. I walked on.

In the far distance, I saw someone standing still. I began to glide across the grass in his direction. Soon, I was virtually sailing through the landscape and quickly approached the waiting person. I saw that he was no human being. He, who looked like a man, had the wings of an angel. He was also of a much taller stature than mortal beings. His body was covered with an armour which somewhat reflected the cold grey light. He was waiting for me. Presently, I was in front of him and saw that he was holding a shield and a huge sword. Without a hint of emotion on his face, he handed them over to me. I kept looking at him but he remained motionless. I was able to carry the armour. I looked down at me. A plain long robe covered my body down to my feet. It looked just as colourless as everything else here.

The angel started to move in a certain direction and I followed. I felt as though we were familiar with each other; I knew that he had been in my presence for quite some time now; (I also know that he still does.) We glided further into the landscape until we finally reached a high wall that was fully covered with ivy. It was an ancient wall, and I could only sense that it was there behind all that ivy. In a diffuse grey light, I saw someone else who looked like a man. I recognized him: He was Jesus. He wasn’t very tall; He was wearing a robe similar to mine, and His expression was human and friendly. I moved closer to Him. Without a single word He pushed the ivy aside from one spot on the wall. A low wooden gate became visible. It was very old and firmly locked. Jesus slightly turned and stood in front of the gate. The angel received again my armour and took up position at the wall. Jesus was showing me that the angel would wait for me as long as necessary. I walked then straight through Jesus, through His body and through the gate…

Behind the wall

The light was blindingly lurid. Everything around me was flooded in this white light and I could see nothing at all. For several moments, I remained still, mesmerized. Slowly, however, my eyes adjusted to this light and I became aware of the wall behind me, through which I had just come. From this side, it looked like a wall of light. There was no way back as I had come. I looked in front of me.

The room, I was in, was endless. I walked on and saw white creatures standing everywhere. They were brilliant, emanating a strong glow very much like the light of daylight lamps. They were actually emitting so much light that I hadn’t seen them at first. Then I discerned a long hallway, leading further on between the glorious persons. I started walking slowly down the hallway. The corridor under my feet was shining like crystal. I began to notice that the saints were standing in wide ranges, which were separated by even more hallways. All of them led to a high crystal mountain. Stair-like steps led up the mountain. On them, there were many thousands of light-creatures standing with whooshing wings. The whole surroundings seemed to be filled with this kind of sound. It was like music; a tone one couldn’t apprehend with ears. At the top of the mountain, there was another source of light so bright that I was unable to see anyone behind it. I knew it was God Himself. My eyes were by now able to look straight into His light and recognize Him as God.

Still in the hallway, I had reached a row of saints which I was able to recognize clearly as individual beings standing next to each other. I kept walking until I reached one vacant spot among them. This was where I was supposed to take up position. Although everyone was aware of my arrival, no one looked at me or paid me any kind of attention. I realized that the persons in the rows around me are my intimate and closest spiritual relatives: those mothers and fathers in the spirit whose immediate descendent I am. Those saints from past generations whose purpose and mantle I have been entrusted with to carry them forth unto fulfilment.

All faces were turned forward and lifted up. All attention was aimed at the One on the top of the mountain. As soon as I had resumed my place, I took the same posture. Immediately, my sense for space and time changed. It felt as though I was standing in the front row right before the throne. There was nothing between me and my God. At the same time, I knew that everyone in this assembly felt the same way, at all times. The laws of the time-space-continuum, as we know it, don’t apply in this dimension. Everyone is standing in ranks and rows and yet has a unique place before the Lord. I was at the same time a witness and a link in the glorious body of Christ, which is the most beautiful masterpiece of art I have ever marvelled at.

A couple of years ago, I visited an art show in the Museum for Fine-Arts in Wolfsburg. The theme of the exhibition was mass and individuality. A group of artists had created successfully several exhibits. A work by Allan McCollum from the USA especially impressed me: countless clay-coloured pieces, in the size of a goose-egg, closely covered the surface of a huge table lined with black velvet. At first sight, all pieces seemed to be exactly the same but in fact, there were 10,025 unique pieces. Each of them had its own shape and position. The artist had arranged them according to a defined order in such a way that neither a single piece touched another piece, nor the edge of the table, nor did the pieces leave much space in between. The precise arrangement on black velvet made each single piece look uniquely precious.

This piece of art united two principles: the homogeneity of mass on one hand and the unmistakable uniqueness of the individual on the other hand. Seeing that piece of art, made me instantly think of the body of Christ as I was able to witness it during the experience I am just telling you about.

A peculiar procession

In front of the mountain, there was a wide space like a passage way. I heard a distant murmur. To the right from where I was standing, several small creatures appeared dressed in dark garments. Some of them were leading the way; their bodies bent down; hoods covered their faces. Behind them, other ugly creatures followed; they were carrying a stake. A dark dead body was hanging from the stake. Finally, the dismal procession was completed by the last little creatures. All of them were muttering without a pause. In this manner, they walked past the mountain and continued to the left on and on until they reached an abyss. They descended down and were no longer within sight. I had just witnessed my death and burial in Jesus Christ! I watched with my own eyes how the human being who had been born on this earth – myself until my spiritual re-birth – died forever through Jesus’ cross. I was exempt from judgment.

My spiritual re-birth didn’t happen, of course, on that cold day in November. Time meant nothing in that room flooded in light. In that holy assembly I witnessed the truth as it has been determined by God on my behalf. I felt no fear.

On a silver plate

Blue and golden-yellow patterns were hovering in front of my eyes and became more and more distinguishable. I was still kneeling on the carpet whose colourful pattern was so familiar to me. With my inner eyes, however, still focused on the heavenly dimension, I saw a small plate made of brushed silver in my hand. On the plate there were four small cubes of white bread: four small parts of Jesus’ given body. While I had the privilege of abiding in the large heavenly assembly, the Lord gave me the four souls I had been pleading for on that morning.  All of a sudden, I became extremely sober. I got up and looked out of the window. The huge walnut tree was preparing for its rest period. The November sun didn’t have enough strength to comfort it. The milky sky left no doubt about the soon approaching winter. Deep inside I knew that we were about to enter a time of spiritual winter. This thought gave me a slight shiver and I turned away from the window.

Gratefully, I accepted my armour in faith. I was going to use it often in the years to come…

Reference 

The assembly on the holy mountain is described in the Bible in the book of Hebrews, in chapter 12, and in the Revelation, in chapter 4. I quote here the passage from the book of Hebrews:

(the New Testament, book of Hebrews, chapter 12:18-2; New International Version)

You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned. The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, I am trembling with fear. 

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

 

In the beginning was the hunger. And the hunger was with man. And it was a hunger for righteousness. And the hunger came to God and God answered the hungry and gave him a gift. God was not in the hunger; God is righteousness. 

This is no attempt to re-write the Gospel of John. It is an observation and an experience from my own life. It is the Gospel of John as I have experienced it after having read it literally. John is actually saying in the Gospel: 

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. …There came a man … He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. … The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.¹ 

There have been times, I was starving for the things that are in God until one day, I came to know the Word. Then I realized that in God’s eyes my life looked different. This gave me hope, which turned to faith, and the faith caused the hunger to grow. Soon, my desire, to live like God said that I could, grew so strong that it became first priority within me. In this way, the faith worked in me unconsciously and created something new. The Word became my life; it became flesh inside me. It did not only transform my inner being according to God’s intention but it also came to pass in my life. 

This is what John really meant when he wrote: Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men.² 

This kind of hunger and the faith resulting from it revealed a new power to me. I could call things into existence that had not been visible before. I did not necessarily see this power at work everywhere among Christians. Few knew how to deal with it. Some fathers of the former generation preached about it and demonstrated this power. I did not have a term for it. So I called it ‘the creative wisdom’. When God created the universe He believed in His own Word and released this wisdom. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.³  

God simply believed that life was in Him and that everything He said would come into existence. He spoke and it came to pass. He gave the Word and it became life. He made the earth by His power. He founded the world by His wisdom and stretched out the heavens by His understanding. His wisdom is contained in His Word.  This Word became flesh and came to us. He was with us, He died, He came back to life and He lives in us, the children of God, through the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we have full access to His wisdom. 

The Lord invites us and expects us to make use of this wisdom. God expected this also from Job who bitterly complained about his misery and insisted on his righteousness. God asked Job, if he really had the righteousness he constantly talked about, why wasn’t he able to perform the acts of power that would liberate him from his present miserable state. If Job possessed the righteousness he claimed, he ought to be capable of releasing this wisdom to form a new, restored life. 

The Lord answered Job and told him something incredible: Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. … while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!⁴ 

Job was present when God released the wisdom in order to create the world. This is a stunning truth: The sons of God were present! The Word confirms that we were chosen before the creation of the world and that we were created in Him. For, he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless…⁵ yet Job had forgotten everything. The righteousness he insisted that he had was a kind of righteousness that could not open the fountains of life for him. He could not advance to the very beginning of God, where the Word is. He could not find the source of life in order to draw wisdom from it and to heal his life. He was powerless.   

Job reminds me of the present day church. It is full of good works and worship. It has wealth, gifts, children, heirs. However, it only knows God by hearsay. It hasn’t experienced Him in the fullness of His life. The present Christianity is not hungry enough for it. It is contended with gifts and wealth. It was the same with Job who had been perfect. Therefore, Job was afflicted and tested. He needed to become hungry again. Yet he was not supposed to hunger for gifts and deeds but to become desperately hungry for righteousness. He suffered from his trials until he began to realize how God is in the beginning. He came to a point where he admitted that he did not posses a righteousness of his own and that he only knew his Lord by hearsay but not as his life. His hunger brought him to a point at which he was willing to accept a wisdom, which had previously been unknown to him: the wisdom of Christ’s suffering. 

He realized that righteousness does not mean to do everything right and that wisdom does not mean to know everything. He became aware that righteousness means to have God’s rightness in all things. In this he saw wisdom; not the wisdom with which God had made the present world but the wisdom that had caused a new creation to come into existence. 

Let me explain what I mean in more detail. God created the world through his wisdom. However, after man’s sin He decided to subject this creation to decay and to establish a new one. He used a new kind of wisdom for the establishment of the new creation. The sacrifice of Christ and the chosen sons of God came into existence in HIM before the foundation of the world: … but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.⁶ He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake…⁷ The sacrifice of Jesus as a lamb on the cross is the wisdom of God; a wisdom that appears like foolishness in this world. Yet this foolishness of God is a greater wisdom than that which the wise men of the world could compile. It brings forth new life where death had already reigned; because the message of a crossed king is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God: God’s power, God’s wisdom, God’s new beginning. 

Job got far enough to realize this new beginning. He had been inwardly dead and decaying while he was still walking in his rotten flesh. But after this powerful encounter with God in the storm, he received the power of the cross. His life became a life of forgiveness. He offered sacrifices for his friends and healed them. This brought about change in his life. While he was still walking in the flesh, he experienced what the incomparably great power of God can achieve in us. After that, he lived a life of resurrection in complete restoration. He received power and wisdom to make everything new, for God had given him a living demonstration of his wisdom. 

This creative wisdom is a power I rarely find in Christians today. The power to bring forth new life is restricted to the preaching of salvation. New life comes into existence, children of God are born, gifts are apportioned and later the stream of life runs dry and everything remains as it was. However, in some, the hunger for righteousness starts at this point. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.⁸ The hunger makes you desperate. All inner powers are mobilized to ensure the spiritual survival. The desire for God becomes tremendous. The search becomes the highest priority within a person. Then they cry out with such force that the hunger comes before God. ‘Blessed are those who hunger…’ He hears the hunger. Moreover, he responds to it with righteousness. 

You, who are hungry, behold how the righteousness comes: For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.⁹ Death reigns through the sin of man. Its power is that man remains in sin. Christ died and the sin was wiped away. By the obedience of Jesus, grace came to us and we receive the gift of righteousness. This is the beginning of our reign in life through Jesus. 

It should be. Do you see many people who reign in life with Jesus? How come it is still lacking among us? Why is the hunger greater than the extent to which we reign? It comes from a wrong understanding of righteousness. The righteousness of the cross is free; you cannot earn it. This might be enough to preach a new birth but, obviously, the children of God don’t make further use of it. They work, teach, labour, but they don’t reign in life. The wisdom runs dry. And the hunger grows. The soul hungers, the spirit hungers because the rightness of God is missing, which can restore everything that is broken and let something new come into existence in areas where nothing had existed before. 

There can be only one explanation as to why today’s Christians remain powerless. They only believe in the cross for salvation. Then the development comes to a halt. Following Christ, they do not invest in the cross. They do not give up everything for Jesus’ sake. The cross does not play a practical role in the lives of the self-proclaimed mature Christians, who often differ from the newborn Christians only by being even more powerless. Nevertheless, they have a lot of teaching. They know much about God. They can fill many books and sermons. Yet the wisdom of the cross falls by the wayside. 

The Word is IN the beginning. That means in the beginning of God. Jesus is the beginning of God. However, Jesus can only be understood as the Crucified One. When a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it will bear much fruit. Otherwise, it will remain a single seed. A grain of wheat that is afraid of death will not render fruit. In the same way, a Christian who doesn’t allow the cross into his life after being born again will not be able to bear fruit. Life stagnates and nothing new comes down from heaven. At this point the hunger begins. 

‘Blessed are those who hunger …’ the hunger drives the spirit and the desire becomes predominant. Faith in the Word can begin at this point. The Word in the beginning will come into existence through the faith that works unconsciously. The same word will come to pass in the world, in the life of the hungry person who needs to be filled. This is the righteousness of God. This is His new creative wisdom. After the cross, there is life and life in abundance. 

Those who hunger will be filled. Thank God, there are believers that are willing to walk the path of fruitfulness in order to see the fruit of life in the resurrection. I walked this path. I learned from this that the cross is a power. Walking on the path of self-denial, most surely, the hour arrives when reigning in life comes into effect. Streams of life are released and everything becomes healthy again. The ability to bring something new into existence is always the power in the Word. However, the wisdom to make this faith effective lies in the nature of the lamb that was slain: First, you die, and then you live. First, you suffer, and then you reign. Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. ¹⁰ 

What about those who have put this into practice in their lives? If you have come that far you will also need faith in the cross. For the cross has two sides. One side has ‘self-sacrifice’ written on it; the other ‘result of self-sacrifice’. This sacrifice yields complete restoration, but it needs to be taken hold of by faith in the cross. The creative wisdom is gained when righteousness finds its fulfilment not in the good works of humanity but in Jesus death. 

If you have not yet taken hold of this, if you are still in that old place of bitter complaining in which there isn’t enough room for new works, then get up and change places. Leave that old place. Walk into that new dimension in which righteousness is a gift and begin to put the cross into practice as a sacrifice and as well as a victory. This life-style will never remain without result. 

_________________________________ 

¹       John 1:1-2; 6-8; 14
²       John 1: 3-4
³       Hebrews 11:3
⁴       Job 38: 4-7; 21
⁵       Ephesians 1:4
⁶       1 Peter 1:19-20
⁷       Ephesians 1:4
⁸       Matthew 5:6
⁹       Romans 5:17
¹⁰     2 Timothy 2:11-12

The apostle looked up. Heaven opened. He saw the Holy Spirit come down to him as a dove. He heard the Father say to him: ‘my beloved son!’ He was filled by the presence and the very being of the eternal Father. The last Adam was absorbed by the spirit of God’s being. He was no ordinary man, this apostle. The Father came down in him and was ready to manifest Himself through this apostle, His son.

1.

Jesus stepped out of the river Jordan and proceeded to a barren land. His mission was beginning; he was certain of it. He already knew that he was to be the last Adam. He knew that it was his purpose to retrieve what the first Adam had lost.

He was alone. He wanted to be alone so that he could enjoy undisturbed the fellowship with the Holy Spirit. He wanted to absorb the Father’s presence.

‘Oh, dear father, Abba, dad how I’ve missed you!’

He searched deep, deeper, within his spirit. He knew what his position had been before he was born into this human body. In his spirit, he saw the throne he had left behind when he entered this earth. He saw the throne he would inhabit when he finished his mission.

‘… the mission … Abba, daddy, I want to persevere; your will is mine … I am predestined to die, yet I will go where I will be crucified. I am not afraid to fulfil your will. You are within me.’

He searched his spirit for his death, the pain, the agony. He knew he was human but he trusted the Father. All he longed for was to worship the Father, to pray, to be in His presence. He couldn’t get enough of being with the Father. He couldn’t get enough of the Father’s presence.

The Holy Spirit comforted him. He saw himself rise up in the spirit. He saw himself in the cloud walking through heaven. Yes, he was carrying in his hands his own blood for the atonement. He would persevere. He sighed and got up.

‘I will be with the Father forever when this is over. I will have His chosen ones with me forever.’

He straightened up and looked up to the sky. His prophetic eyes were very powerful. He saw a mighty angel who stood with one foot on the earth and in the ocean with the other. His body was in the clouds, and on his head there was the rainbow. The angel raised his right hand towards heaven and swore by the one who is in heaven that there wouldn’t be time left until God’s secret was completed.

‘…the eternal gospel, the message from God who became man … the message about man who would be lifted up to God by the Holy Spirit in order to unite with Him for ever … the eternal God in man for ever … the Word, the Eternal One, man for ever … oh, the Father’s plan … how I long for it … if only everything was finished by now …’

‘I am this secret’ Jesus thought. ‘I am the only man on earth who is capable of doing what is my purpose … the secret of God as a man with both feet on earth…!’

The secret, which the Lord had revealed to all of His prophets, was that of an Adam on this earth, far away from heaven and from glory. In his spirit, he searched through the prophets. He knew what was before him: Isaiah said that his people would not receive him. They would see, yet not know; they would hear, but not understand. They would not repent. Yes, he knew what Isaiah also had said: A people he did not know would follow him, and those who did not know him would receive him. He knew that he himself had promised as many children to Abraham as there are stars.

His prophetic vision was sharp. He saw countless people bow before him, worship him, die for him, lift his name up high. He loved them. He loved them as he loved the Father. He couldn’t feel anything but love. He loved them more than his own life even though he didn’t know them. He saw what Enoch had said: he saw the clouds. Then he saw countless crowds come with the clouds and one man riding up front.

‘This is me’, he thought. ‘This is me.’

For a long time, he stood motionless with his head lifted towards the sky and his eyes firmly on the spirit. He saw the time run backwards from the end. He saw the Lamb rule and his followers prevail. A mighty river of holiness cleansed the earth. His inner eyes couldn’t get enough of it.

‘Now, I am one man alone – then a mighty people’, he thought.

How he longed to have those people around him, to fight God’s battle side by side!

‘…but it cannot be. They will come later when I am no longer here …’

The Holy Spirit could hardly bear his pain. The Father’s heart was like a heavy weight on the son’s spirit.

‘You must go, son’ he told him. ‘You are alone now but soon you will meet the first ones I have prepared. They will come to you willingly. Say one word to them and they will follow you.’

‘Say one word to them…!’

The anointing shook Jesus’ entire body. It felt like a million needles on the skin. ‘…one word…’

He hadn’t done this until now.

‘…only a word and it will come to pass at once … God’s power in his mouth, in his hands… him, the son of Joseph from Nazareth, made from the dust of the earth…’

2.

He began to laugh uncontrollably from the depths of his spirit. A flood of visions came over him. He saw how the earth and men were created by the Word. He was the Word from the very beginning. All that was created was made by him. God’s power reared up in his body. He felt strong. He saw how the heavenly stars, the sons of God, came to being. He saw the Father bring forth life. He felt his own delight; he felt how he had rejoiced before the earth was created.

Heaven was spinning before his spirit like a spiral cloud. He found himself inside the spiral and saw the eternal order; he saw the time and the new heaven. He was in this nebula and saw the Word as one eternal existence. He was pulled deeper and deeper into the spiral. He let it happen and moved along. Here, in this place, time had no meaning. He was spinning with the spiral and saw, or rather lived through, all eternal events that happened before the earth was made. He relished the feeling of being within the Word, of living the Word.

Soon he reached the eye of the spiral. He was at the origin, in the beginning, before the Father put the creation forth by His word. Yes, he relished it; he rejoiced. He longed to see the Father and to be in His bosom again.

The power of the spirit pulled him deeper into the origin.

‘… What is this? …’

He arrived at the centre.

‘… but where is HE?’

His human body was covered with sweat as he was being shaken. He saw the centre of the origin. There was only a lamb. It was slain and stood in the middle, and the Father was inside the lamb.

‘Fa-a-a-ther…!’ he screamed.

By now, he could hardly bear being inside the vision. The lamb’s pain overwhelmed him. He was enwrapped by pain. After that, everything around him turned black. Where was the glory, where the Father’s arms? He grew immediately calm. In this deep blackness everything was still. He was comforted by an embrace soft as velvet. He experienced the Father, however, not as the Only Begotten Son but as Adam who had died. He was in the womb of the Eternal One as a yet to be born son of God, just like an unborn new creation. He grew completely calm and still. The shaking from the pain that had come over him passed. He floated in this never ending tranquillity. Suddenly, everything was over. He was still standing in the desert with his face lifted up to the sky.

‘How much time has passed?’

He jolted and looked around: nothing but desert as far as his eye could see. The sun was high up in the sky. He didn’t know whether this ecstasy had lasted a few minutes or several days.

He addressed the Holy Spirit: ‘What was that?’

‘That was your funeral, son’, the Spirit replied. ‘That was your time in the eternal stillness of Sabbath. You were in the Father’s womb, where you will have to end up after your death in order to be reborn again. You will be the first of the new creation.’

He remembered. The Lamb was slain before the creation. The Holy Spirit took him again into the vision before the throne. He saw the Lamb ruling seated on the throne. He had seven horns, and the seven spirits of God were in Him. The Lamb took a sealed book from the hand of the Eternal One. He saw the entire creation fall down before the Lamb. He saw the Lamb break a seal on the book. Then he heard a mighty thunder. A voice spoke: ‘come!’

‘You cannot stand here, son; not until you have died and risen from the dead’, the Holy Spirit whispered to him. ‘We must go. We must begin now.’

3.

 Jesus returned to the earthly reality. He felt like a normal human being again. He was sweaty and tired. He walked over to the rocks and lied down in the shade. Soon it would be dark and cold. He longed for human fellowship. He leaned his head on a rock and closed his eyes. He felt terrible. He thought about Daniel and how sick he was after every encounter with the Lord. He knew he was stronger than Daniel but on the other hand, Daniel had never experienced anything like this. He remained lying down with his head on a hard rock, and remembered Jacob who also slept on a rock.

’… That rock was supposed to be me …’ he thought wearily. ‘Whom shall I lean on now? Who is there for me…? I am alone here now …’

He fell in a deep sleep. When he woke up again, he felt hungry.

‘How long has it been since I have eaten?’ he wondered.

The Holy Spirit replied: ‘it has been almost forty days.’

Jesus thought of Moses on the mountain, how he went without food for forty days. Like Moses then, he also spent most of the time in ecstasy. The Holy Spirit was on him so frequently that he had hardly noticed his needs. But today was different. He was very hungry. He looked around. He was in the middle of the desert. It would take a long time until he could reach an inhabited place.

Would he make the long march to the village with this kind of hunger? He did not actually feel weak, only hungry. He remembered his weakness the night before, after he had been inside God’s origin. That weakness had passed. Maybe he had slept longer than only one night. Now it was time to return to the people. His desire to be with the Father had somehow been fulfilled in his spirit. He was longing for people. He wanted to wash himself and enjoy a good meal again. He was looking forward to singing the songs of the Lord with friends while sharing a good table wine. He wanted to be with men again, celebrate, laugh, and be grateful for the bread and the wine. Yes, he should go back now.

He set forth on his walk out of the desert. That was the moment when he first noticed the cloud. There was a cloud over him that moved along with him.

‘Ah, that’s good’, he thought gratefully; ‘just like the people of Israel in the desert back then. I am glad that I too may enjoy protection from the heat.’

 The cloud followed him. When he stopped, it stopped. When he walked on, it also moved. It grew bigger and darker as if there was a thunderstorm coming. This irritated him. The cloud in Moses’ times moved ahead of the people. It guided them. When the cloud stopped, the people did the same. As soon as it moved on, the people resumed their journey as well.

‘Oh well, never mind. Still better to walk in the shade’ he thought carelessly.

He could barely feel the Holy Spirit any more. Yet, he didn’t give it any thought. Right now, he didn’t want anything but get out of the desert and find something to eat. He marched on. The walk grew arduous. He felt as though the horizon remained in the same far distance regardless of how far he walked.

Soon, he became tired. His legs felt heavy. The joints ached. His head was heavy. He sighed and made an attempt to walk faster but he simply couldn’t. He sat down.

‘What a craggy region this is’ he though. ‘It isn’t exactly comfortable to sit on rocks… If I only had a piece of bread …’

The air was so stuffy. When he had stood in the vision, he was shown what kind of power had been given to him, wasn’t he? The Father had said: ‘say only one word.’ Why shouldn’t he try right now? He could turn a stone into a piece of bread. As the son of God, he should be able to do it. He was the son of God, wasn’t he?

Suddenly something that felt like electricity ran through his spine. He jumped to his feet.

‘Satan!’ he yelled. ‘It is you. Now I recognize you in this cloud.’

‘When I fell in ecstasy over and over again for days, surrounded by the Father’s presence,’ he thought, ‘His word was sufficient for me. I felt no hunger and no haste … I lived on the word that came out of His mouth and that was more nutritious for me than the most delicious bread.’

He shook himself alert and quickly got up.

‘It is written: man doesn’t live by the bread alone but by every word that comes out of God’s mouth’ he said aloud.

‘How true!’ he thought.  

He knew he would make it until the nearest village. He began to pray and walked on.

4.

A vision came over him. He allowed himself to be absorbed by it. It would be better to fall into an ecstasy again, he thought. He was on a mountain and looked at the earth. He saw all kingdoms of this world. In his spirit, he heard a voice:

‘I want to give you this power and its glory. They are mine and I give them whom I wish. Worship me and it will be yours!’

He beheld the kingdoms. He longed to rule over them. He had seen the Lamb on the throne rule. Everything inside him craved this authority. He had heard zillions of voices call the Lamb king of all kings. He so much wanted to be that king. The Father had promised him the kingdom of this world. He remembered the vision in which the seventh angel blew the trumpet. After that, the dominion over the earth was given to God’s anointed one. He was the anointed one. He should become the lamb that was slain, the lamb that was sacrificed before the creation of the earth. Yes, he should …

Suddenly, his eyes opened. The lamb! He should become the Lamb. The Lamb had seized the power before the creation, and He opened the seal of the book of life. He was that lamb.

‘No, not yet!’ he thought.

He was not yet The Lamb. The lamb had not yet been slain on the earth during this age. ‘I have to die first’ he thought. ‘Until I die, I am not The Lamb of human history.’

He was beginning to feel a chill. There was no voice of the Holy Spirit as he had perceived it in earlier visions. This was not the Holy Spirit. He broke out in a cold sweat. He looked around. The air was vibrant with heat. The heat was tremendous: a glow like in an oven, which was nearly impossible to bear. A hot gust of wind scorched his face.

“Worship me” the wind whispered.

Jesus nearly fainted.

“Satan” he gasped into the hot wind, “I can feel you. It is written: you shall worship the Lord your God alone and serve him.”

5.

He slumped down. The fight had taken from him all strength he had. He felt dizzy. His eyes shifted and he saw the town beneath him. He got up once again. Suddenly he felt quickened. Jerusalem was near. He was already out of the desert. He ran towards the city. He was able to run like the wind. He felt as light as the air. There was the temple, the Father’s house. How he longed for the Father. He had become as light as a feather. He flew through the air and stood on the pinnacle of the temple. That was his place, at the very top of God’s house. He looked down. He felt nauseated and dizzy. Everything in his head was spinning. He was covered in sweat. He was about to lose consciousness.

‘If you jump down, you won’t fall. He will send His angels to catch you.’

He was hardly able to keep steady on his feet. He swayed back and forth.

‘Let yourself fall. He will protect you’ he heard in his soul.

He stood on top of the pinnacle. He craved to be on top. That much he knew. But why was he unable to keep himself at the top if it was his destiny?

‘I am on the Lord’s temple’ he thought. ‘This is where I belong. He is within me and I have become His temple. If I fall, nothing will happen to me. But how can I fall if I am the temple? My body is the temple since the baptism.’

The truth struck him.

‘My God, it is me, myself…! If I fall, there will be no one to hold me. No angel, no forces of heaven and not even the Holy Spirit will catch me if I fall. Everything would be over. Humanity wouldn’t be redeemed … I mustn’t fall … I mustn’t fall…’

Still dizzy, he swayed back and forth. He pulled himself together.

‘… I am the anointed one … I have come as a servant. I have a purpose to fulfil … I cannot give up … No, I mustn’t fall … Not me! … I will remain standing … I have to finish this … I promised the Father …’

He regained his balance and his senses became clear again.

‘It is written’, he mumbled, ‘you shall not tempt the Lord your God.’

The mirage disappeared. Jesus was still wandering about in the desert.

‘Satan!’ he said. ‘That was Satan. I’m out of it now.’

6.

He took a deep breath. He had been tempted. He was supposed to be overwhelmed with greed and succumb to the seducer’s will. Jesus knew no sin and had never experienced a temptation before. Doing the right thing had always come easy to him. It seemed to be a part of him. But this just now had been very different.

‘What has just happened, Father?’ he asked.

The Holy Spirit made Himself tangible.

‘You were being tempted, son’ he said. ‘Just as Adam was tempted in order to desire godly power without me, the devil called upon your pride and your desire to rule over the earth.’

Jesus sighed and bowed his head in reverence to the Lord.

‘You are a man, the son of Adam’ the Holy Spirit continued. ‘The devil had to make this attempt with you before it is too late for him. You have prevailed. The word inside you protected you.’

Jesus remembered what Moses had said when he was explaining to the people the path to receive blessing or curse: ‘The word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it!’

‘Why didn’t the devil come sooner during all those years?’ he asked.

‘He did come’, the Holy Spirit replied. ‘He came when you were a baby and caused great harm intending to murder you. You were protected but Rachel shed many tears for her children.’

Jesus remembered what the prophet Jeremiah had said: ‘A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping.’

‘That’s right. I was born in Bethlehem’, he pondered. ‘And why did he come again now?’ he went on asking.

‘He came back because you challenged him, son’ was the reply from the Holy Spirit.

‘In what way did I challenge him?’ Jesus insisted to know.

The Holy Spirit went on speaking to him:

‘You have received the anointing. You are the Christ. You have advanced into the Father’s presence, into the origin. You know that in order to become yourself a spiritual Father you must have recognized first the one who is in the beginning. You are ready now, my son. When you get back, you must call the first chosen followers. They too are sons. You must restore the people and the house of God. You have the purpose to bring forth the new people of God in accordance with the Spirit. Everything until now has been a mere shadow, a prophetic image, of what is to come. My present covenant with the people is fugacious. You will start the eternal covenant with God. You are now the patriarch and the origin of the redeemed people. It has to be you. Therefore, I am sending you now. Go and do what you were sent to accomplish. Be strong and courageous. Yes, be strong and courageous, and I will be with you everywhere you go.’

‘Then, it was my anointing that challenged him?!’ Jesus exclaimed.

‘But yes! I am an anointed Adam, yet without sin’ he said astonished by the clarity of this revelation. ‘The devil had to try and seduce me like the first Adam, so that I too would fall in sin. Then, there would be no more redemption.’

Jesus shuddered in the fear of God. ‘Satan didn’t come to me; rather, I ventured too far into his domain. How great is the Father!’

7.

The Holy Spirit interrupted his thoughts and flooded him. The Father’s love surrounded him. Jesus knew that he had overcome. He had pushed Satan back from his territory. Thus he had caused a gap, a rift, in the second heaven. Satan would stay away from him until the appointed hour. Jesus had now a certain amount of time to demonstrate God’s Kingdom undisturbed. Yes, that was what he was to do next. Nothing would stop him.

‘For now,’ he thought, ‘until the time would come that… but that can wait… I have to focus on doing the Father’s works… heaven is open for me…’ yet he shivered a little. He knew that he would not be received everywhere but he would hold sway.

He looked up and saw God’s angels approach him. They took away his weariness. They calmed and strengthened his nerves. His body relaxed.

The word spoken by Isaiah became alive in him: ‘In the past he humbled the land of Zebulon and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honour Galilee of the Gentiles, by the way of the sea, along the Jordan. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.’

He decided to return to Galilee. He would begin in Galilee. John and Andrew came to his mind, who came with him after he had met the Baptist. Those two, and also others whom the Father had shown him, he would call to join him. Yes, he needed to teach them to obey everything the Father had told him. He became strong in the Holy Spirit. The word welled up inside of him, and he was the Fullness. He stood up and stood upright. He was the first apostle. He had been the apostle from the very beginning. Others, many others, would follow later. He began to walk. He, as an individual, had to trigger a movement that would never stop until the end of times. This would cost him his life, but he had already made His New Testament. The Father had sealed it.

The apostle returned to Galilee in the power of the spirit. He began to do the Father’s works and to teach with authority. Many joined him. From now on, he would be known to say often: ‘for truly I say to you…’